Friendship, such a complex word.
Abstract yet loaded with expectation
I’ve wrestled through decades of trials and often gave up in despairing resignation.
A tug of war as I tried to navigate
through jealousy, love, conflict and resentment
In need of care, kindness, connection, I messed up often
pulling, pushing, shutting out until finally finding contentment.
Because friendship is not about equal measures,
responsibility for one another’s happiness,
it’s not about giving and taking and counting pleasures
or keeping score, more frequently, lamenting your unhappiness.
Throughout the years, I’ve learned many lessons
how to love, how to trust, how to release my pain
I’ve severed many bonds that caused hurt and never gain.
And even though I’m not counting, I can’t resist but note
these precious few who I call friends, who taught me more than most
what friendship means, how it’s birthed and how it grows
like pains of labour, the joy of birth, the milestones that we reach,
the falls and sobs, tantrums
and calls to be picked up and nurtured foremost.
In those times we are alone, figuring things out, falling down and getting up
But those around us who through love, lend a helping hand,
a little support, a little encouragement, sometimes just their presence
In silence the loudest words are spoken
And what is left is just the essence
Like distilling the finest spirit
Drop by drop of pure indulgence
It is worth waiting for, to gain
the joy of sheer abundance
Treasure to be stored in the storehouse of our hearts
Those precious few we get to call friends,
Who touch our inner sacred parts
deep where no one sees
where only we can go
that’s where those precious friendships live
for no one else to know
like valuable jewels kept secret
sparkling no matter how long
years, decades or lifetimes,
they continue shining on
I consider myself blessed
to count on just one hand
those few I call true friends
stored in my soul’s treasure chest
and you my sweet delight
are certainly one
for whose friendship I shall forever be grateful
for all that we have shared
for your silent and gentle presence
your love and encouragement when I have despaired
For I know that even though I cannot compete and match your generous heart,
It matters not to you for you do not count in the ways of man
But feel and know that the bond connecting us
Is created over the years of weaving this embroidery like a fine piece of art
We call it friendship and I wish there was another word
that could describe truly what it is
but then it would become yet another entry
defined in some medical dictionary like a disease
No, it is so much more than that
finer than a piece of exquisite art
and more precious than the most expensive jewel
and undefined I will leave it
for your soul to carve its own craft
but know that our friendship means so much to me
and you will always live in my heart
Michelle Foulia
2/3/22
